Today I stumbled upon a journal entry I wrote in my early college years. I was going through a stage of loneliness at the time. Having never dated, much less go out on a date, I remember really wanting a boyfriend. I longed for companionship, especially after watching a romantic flick or, in this instance, seeing couples walk on the beach together.
Despite the loneliness, the truth of God’s love pierced my heart in a way that redefined my whole perspective. Now, exactly 4 years later, I am so glad I wrote it down.
January 5, 2008:
“There I was, walking barefoot on the beach, alone, and yet so filled with the presence of my Heavenly Father I couldn’t help but smile. I had wished for somebody to hold my hand, but God sent a wave to come up and caress my toes instead. I had felt a longing for somebody to tell me I was beautiful, but I heard the sound of the surf crashing upon the rocks, clapping in unspoken appreciation for the daughter created in her Father’s image. I yearned for somebody to find me worthy enough to plant a kiss upon, and God revealed the sun who kissed me so passionately I won’t be rid of freckles for months…
…I saw love and devotion between two human-beings several times on that beach, but none compares to the way my God loves me. He loves me.”
The Becky-of-today is blown away by the faith of Becky-from-years-past. Reading the words of hope reassures me again today. I lose heart too often, over big things and little things. Then it was loneliness, now its over-crowded living rooms. My 20-year-old self reminds me to take up courage and faith, because God is a great and trustworthy God, whose love never falters.
To those who are doubting, lonely, overwhelmed, hurt, feeling pathetic, going-crazy, or sighing yet again from a heavy burden…I don’t dare to have an encouraging word for the boat we all find ourselves in, but I take comfort that my 20-year-old-self does.
P.S. It happened sooner than I thought! God blessed me with a great guy who loves the Lord and has kissed almost every freckle on my face. Here we are shortly after we started dating later that year.