Pictures of Selfless Love for a (future) Mama: My journey to celebrating both pregnancy and adoption.

adoption

 

I think I might be finally getting this whole “home-made” kid thing. “Home-made” meaning, having a baby (vs. adoption).

It has been a long journey of confusion, fear, selfishness, doubt, excitement, and waiting… of course the waiting. And no-this is not a pregnancy announcement. I simply wish to be transparent with how God is shaping my heart and mind for His glory. (Sorry if I got your hopes up; not just yet.)

So here it is: Pictures of Selfless Love for a (future) Mama, Part 1: Adoption.

God has blessed me with a heavy heart for the orphan. I have longed to be a part of adoption for a very long time. I still look forward to the day God leads Shane and I to step in that direction.

I have always seen adoption as an exceptional picture of God’s unconditional love for humanity. The Bible refers to adoption several times as an example of how God invites us into His family (Galatians 4, Ephesians 1, Romans 8).

I am overwhelmed with the thought: that God would take in this dirty, homeless child and make me His daughter. Washing me clean of all the stains of broken relationship, He made me His own; giving me full inheritance to His kingdom, He invited me to take part in the family business. Complete and whole, I have been given a new name in Christ, declared worthy and accepted.

I can’t wait to offer that to a child someday! I pray that the day Shane and I adopt a child will be celebrated as a divine picture of God’s love.

But…. there is another picture of love that I have been ignoring. Love is not just displayed in adoption, but also in creation.

I will admit something here: I have been turned off to pregnancy and having a “baby of my own” for a long time. My disposition to this miraculous process has various roots:

First, my own sinful rebellion. Always wanting to “take the path less traveled,” I saw having a “home-made baby” as following the crowd. It sounds ridiculous (it is), and I know that this reason is not God-honoring. I confess my inclination to deviate from the “norm” (even a God-honoring norm) is sinful and fleshly.

I also experience a plethora of fears in this area. God has used many wonderful mothers (who make a lot of graceful mistakes) to help me trust God instead of give in to fear. This blog post, from Women Living Well, was particularly helpful.

After repenting from my prideful attitude and my fear, I realized I still felt hung up on the idea. Almost every argument in the favor of having a baby still sounded so selfish to me:

“Don’t you want to have kids that look like you?”

“Don’t you want to feel what its like to be pregnant?”

“Don’t you want to raise kids with your traits and talents?”

“Having your own children is better than adoption, because you have control from the beginning how they are raised.”

Again, God has blessed me with an overwhelmed heart for adoption. I see the need of a thousand children all over the world who aren’t privileged with parents who believed (or could fulfill) the above comments.

In the face of such a need, each question sounded very self-serving. All about me: what I see, feel, experience, or have an easier time with. After repenting from my original prideful reason for preferring adoption over pregnancy, I wanted to steer far away from the idea of pregnancy again, just to avoid a new motive of pride and selfishness.

I came “to terms” with the idea of having a baby, knowing it would be glorifying to how God made my body, and honoring to my husband, who wouldn’t mind have babies with me (what an amazing guy!).

But I was still wrestling with the perspective of all those precious babies already waiting for a home. Sure, God says that children are a blessing; but that includes HIS babies, orphaned out there somewhere, waiting for someone to be the tangible display of our Father’s selfless love.

My intentions are not to belittle anyone’s desire to have a baby. I love my friends and family (and my parents) for having that desire! I am simply trying to be brave by communicating my journey in this area. It has been a difficult road to be open about my misgivings and doubts about pregnancy vs. adoption, without sensing negative criticism from others.

Also, I do not mean to lessen the importance of womanhood or “be fruitful and multiply.” For whatever reason, my perspective has just been in favor of adoption.

Till now…

…Stay tuned for my conclusion on having a “home-made” baby…

*Does anyone else LOVE the photograph above? Head over to the blog, Adding a Burden,  to read about her beautiful story of adoption.

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  • amanda

    Becky, I’ve long for many years to be a missionary in Africa, and at times selfishly and secretly regretting having children because they’ve “kept me” from living out that dream of being a missionary and adopting as many orphans as the walls of my house can contain. Over the last many months, God has really changed my perspective, raising up the children I have and sending them out into the world, to who knows what far corners of the globe, taking the Gospel, caring for orphans- What a larger impact they as a whole might make for the kingdom than little old me by myself, without them. I still long and hope for adopted children, and to be working in Africa, but it doesnt seem to be Gods plan right now. I think its great that you are seeking God’s will for your life as a mom before it happens, having children definately changes a woman’s life, and puts many dreams on the back burner, but at the same time opens her eyes to dreams she never knew she had- new hopes and desires.

    • Hi Amanda,

      I love your words of encouragement! God is definitely opening my eyes to dreams I never had before, and exposing dream that now seem less than desirable (thank goodness we don’t all end up how our 16 year old selves think we should.)

      Like you, my parents also wanted to serve on the mission field, but having kids right away reshuffled their goals. But, my sisters and I have served in various trips overseas, even along side my parents sometimes. Now, my husband and I serve as “missionaries” in America, to students at a college campus, one of the darkest places in the world at times.
      In the end, the Holy Spirit knows what he’s doing and how to reach the people of the world (both local and across the ocean). Sometimes He uses the quiet, faithful steps of a stay at home mom, a hard working dad, and the consistent trust He enables us to have in Him. I am so proud of you.
      I look forward to the day that all of God’s children meet in heaven… the plethora of colors and cultures and backgrounds all praising God and finally seeing HIS perspective of the world. That will be a good day. Thanks again!

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