My life is in edit. Allow me to explain.
1. The Book:
After years of writing and investing in a young women’s Bible study curriculum, I am finally in the editing stage. It is emotional, annoying, and to be honest, sometimes feels entirely pointless.
I put a string of words together once. I thought they sounded decent once.
I read them now, and promptly plant my face in my palm. I am tempted to leave it be, to send it to a publisher, as-is. But I know it is not ready. This book is not what it needs to be, yet. (“Yet” is such a painful word.)
Here’s a little poem describing my editing process these past few nights:
Open doc, stare at clock…
Rub face, erase…
Type fast, change past…
Failing sight, goodnight…
Hope you liked it … it’s exhausting.
2. The Home
After moving into our new home, we decided to make a few improvements. Our periwinkle wall called for a paint job. Before we rolled on the first coat of “Summer Heat,” we found that the blue-ish paint was peeling.
What’s under the blue paint? Ooh, pretty red.
“I like it, let’s just peel it and leave it,” I said.
“Let’s see what’s under the paneling,” Shane said.
And so, a little peeling of paint turned into a demolition of a wall. Our “living” room is now a “renovation” room….
…..a pink renovation room (more on this in later posts).
3. The Life
Lately, my day to day “living” also feels more like day to day “renovating.” (I think we Christians call this “sanctification.”)
Every time I open my Bible, I can sense God’s cursor highlighting some of my life-statements. Clearly there is a grammatical error in my heart. And my attitude has some sentence-structure that needs some repair. There is no sense of “flow,” from my words to my actions. My purpose is choppy, and each paragraph in my day includes too many “themes.”
So I stop opening God’s Word (yep, I avoid it too). I stop exposing myself to this “editing process.” I don’t like it. It involves too many “yets.” It creates too many “face-palms.”
I’d rather do a quick paint job to cover it up. Please God, don’t lay me bare to the dry-wall of my soul! It’s messy down there. It needs a lot more work than just a simple peeling. There are cracks and flaws. It’s going to take too long. It will be exhausting. I just want to move on!
Thank goodness He doesn’t leave me this way!
So, I am in edit. I will be in edit for a long time.
I hope to get this book polished very soon. And, for the record, I think our living room has great potential now that the paneling is gone. And Shane promises to be the home-improvement rock-star. I look forward to the day we relax in the rusty hues of “Summer Heat” in our living room.
But the renovation, the sanctification, and the editing process of my life will not be done. I am work-in progress… I just thank Jesus for his faithfulness to shape me with grace.