We are now 4 months pregnant with twins. In this time, many have asked, “What about the adoption?”
Allow me to catch you up on the Rosty family saga:
In the summer of 2013, we sensed God’s leading to start a family. In obedience, we pursued both pregnancy and adoption at the same time. We had faith that God would lead us each step of the way and make his plans clear (FYI, this was definitely not what we expected, but they were still His plans!). I was in the middle of getting my health in order. I saw a naturopath to deal with long-standing food allergies that I did not want to have when I got pregnant. At the same time, we looked into a preliminary phase of adoption from South Africa, which wasn’t an available program at the time (for the agency we were interested in).
Suddenly, in the beginning of October, a program opened, we got in, and began filling out paperwork. From there, things went surprisingly quickly and smoothly to adopt a small child from South Africa. Each step of the adoption was so clear, and repeatedly confirmed. (Read more about our adoption story here.) We were almost finished with our home-study paperwork by the end of November… for those who don’t know much about the home study for adoption, this is lightning fast. At that point, we were so sure that adoption was God’s plan to grow our family.
Then BOOM: pregnant. We were surprised, yes, but excited. I honestly thought it would take my body at least a year to get my hormones, allergies, and new eating habits in line to conceive. In fact, it was only a few months.
Still, in my head and heart, I kept saying “this is doable.” We can have a baby and adopt within a year of each other. It will be insta-family. “We wont be having twins,” I mused, “but we will be twice blessed.”
Then BOOM! actual TWINS! I was brought to my knees when I grasped what God was doing. Every step of this journey toward building a family has been “doable” for me. I was overwhelmed yes, but I kept reminding myself, “I got this.”
Unfortunately my attitude was one of self-sufficiency. When we learned about the twins, I understood at last that I can not handle any of this. I couldn’t all along, but the Holy Spirit revealed my ignorance when I saw that second heartbeat on the ultrasound.
How it all makes sense:
About a year ago, I asked God to “wow” me. I was in a place in my walk with Him which was steady and beautiful, but not full of wonder or desperation. God did not bring in a big moment of awe for me that day, as I had expected. I didn’t have an emotional response in worship, an aha moment about my future or my identity, or even a moment to witness an outright miracle, per-say.
But as I look back over this year, I see God was preparing me for this moment:
- He taught me how to fail gracefully. How to relax and “have breakfast” because He has finished all the work.
- His spirit blossomed in me an attitude of love, instead of a spirit of fear, from which I am able to produce good fruit (I guess that was literal).
- He disciplined me to build practical habits, like consistent Bible study and a Fantastic Morning Routine.
- He renewed my mind and opened my perspective to the beauty of family-making as a reflection of Him: through both pregnancy and adoption.
- God pushed me past my procrastinating-tendencies and allowed me to finish writing a book! (I have yet to hear back from the publishers, but it is another on-going lesson in trust).
And now, here I am:
Two pieces of paper away from a finished adoption home-study… (the process slowed down quite a bit with a pregnancy on the way)…
18 weeks Pregnant with twins…
Feeling like a very blessed future mama of 3…
Never been more grateful in my life for the gift God has given me in Shane…
A jumbled bundle of failures, faith and freckles…
and yes, completely WOW-ed!
So, the answer to your questions is this:
“Yes, we are still going to adopt.”
We asked God to lead us, and this is what He gave us. Call it unconventional, label it illogical, but we are going to obey his calling, and HAPPILY I might add, until He closes the door or sees it through to His glory. Our families and our adoption agency support this decision. It might take a little bit longer, but within the next 2 years, we should have all 3 of our precious kids in tow.
There are days I ask what the heck is God thinking. It’s going to be a carnival, for sure. But it brings me back to that place where I remember I was never supposed to be self-sufficient. The impossible tasks are the ones God has planned for me, in order to ever increase my faith and reliance on HIM!
So I am begging for His help. Seeking him constantly. Desperate for his spirit to be with me. Overwhelmed by his grace to lead me to this place. To choose me.
I know the Christmas season is long over, but like Mary, I am choosing to treasure all these things, pondering them in my heart. (Luke 2:19)